No. 69 (2022) BULLET TRAIN August 9th.

 

Film No. 69 (2022)  August  9th.  1.30 PM   Cinema 1.  LUNA,  Leederville.

 

"Every job I do, somebody dies. I'm not that type of guy any more. Why do I require a gun?" (Ladybug, phone firmly to his ear, discusses with Maria Beetle, the job he has just come out of retirement for.)

The reviews have been lukewarm for BULLET TRAIN. I'd pre-booked a ticket so I was having second thoughts about the possibility of spending 130 minutes in the company of mediocrity. I needn't have worried, BULLET TRAIN is a blast. A silly, sharply written, live action cartoon feature. I say cartoon, but there is blood. Oodles of blood, sprayed in more directions than I can remember.

It is ultimate popcorn fodder, choc top ice cream mayhem, sweet, soft candy heaven. The premise of the world's leading assassins (unbeknownst to each other) congregating on one bullet train heading out of Tokyo to who knows where smells of popcorn butter, don't you think? Anyway a metal briefcase of US currency is at stake, but that is less of a common denominator than we might first think. These assassin's, assembled connivingly, by White Death (Michael Shannon) have egos the size of small islands. When it comes to assassins proving their worth, we are talking danger.       

Brad Pitt is Ladybug sent on a mission to retrieve the briefcase by Maria Beetle (Sandra Bullock).  But he's not alone, with twins (non-identical, obviously), Tangerine (Aaron Taylor-Johnson) and Lemon (Brian Tyree Henry), schoolgirl, Prince (Joey King), The Elder (Hiroyuki Sanada) and Wolf (Bad Bunny) also in search of the brief case. If there were to be a grand final event, knock-out style for hit-people, this might be it. 

Why on a Bullet Train?  Well, when the novel of the same name is written by Japan's Kataro Isaka, it stands to reason. The theatre of death works nicely in the world's fastest train. And, you know, when a carriage opens up to the elements, and the odd assassin has to hang on for dear-life, at speed - there is excitement. Popcorn fodder, remember.

Brad Pitt earns big money for these roles. He's a money making machine for studios and distributors. He wears us like a glove here, we feel so safe in his company. We have nothing but the best intentions for him. He's the Steve McQueen of our time ... no pun intended (BULLIT).  9GUMS.